1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:37,501 DEAD TIRED 4 00:00:47,626 --> 00:00:49,209 He was very anxious. 5 00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:56,834 He felt completely lost, so I decided to help him. 6 00:01:00,292 --> 00:01:03,459 It all began about a year ago. 7 00:01:04,751 --> 00:01:08,251 Morning, sir. Police. Inspector Galfier. 8 00:01:08,876 --> 00:01:11,376 - You are Michel Blanc? - Yes I am. 9 00:01:11,626 --> 00:01:13,459 - Why? - May we have a word? 10 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:15,626 What's all this about? 11 00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:17,959 May we come in for a minute? 12 00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:19,584 Of course. 13 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,417 - Is that Josiane Balasko? - Yes. 14 00:01:26,584 --> 00:01:29,251 She's well hot. She's a dyke, isn't she? 15 00:01:30,042 --> 00:01:31,459 No, not at all. 16 00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:35,209 That's what my brother-in-law said. 17 00:01:35,876 --> 00:01:37,209 Cool! Dutronc! 18 00:01:37,834 --> 00:01:41,334 A cabbie claims you didn't pay him. 19 00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:44,292 Before appearing on Newsweek, 20 00:01:44,459 --> 00:01:46,001 you wanted a hooker. 21 00:01:46,209 --> 00:01:47,542 He took you to Rue St-Denis, 22 00:01:47,751 --> 00:01:49,876 waited, but you never came back. 23 00:01:50,126 --> 00:01:51,751 That's nonsense! 24 00:01:51,959 --> 00:01:53,167 It surprised us. 25 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:56,042 I mean you made that gender-bender film... 26 00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,334 Ménage! 27 00:01:58,542 --> 00:02:01,709 Right, listen. I haven't taken a cab for two weeks. 28 00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,834 I spent yesterday writing a screenplay for Carole Bouquet. 29 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,417 - With her? - No. 30 00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:10,751 I haven't seen a hooker since '77. It's got to be a mistake. 31 00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:27,876 Michel! 32 00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:40,167 I'll see to it, sir. Thank you. 33 00:02:41,251 --> 00:02:42,751 Hello, Mr Blanc. 34 00:02:43,209 --> 00:02:44,959 I have a suite reserved. 35 00:02:45,459 --> 00:02:46,667 Let me see. 36 00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,584 - One moment. - Give me a pen. 37 00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:52,584 Can I have an autograph? Put "To Teddy." 38 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,459 I've nothing in your name, sir. 39 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,376 - What? - I'm sorry... 40 00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:00,542 Can I have another? For Fifi. 41 00:03:00,792 --> 00:03:03,376 Call the Festival. Get them to sort it out. 42 00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:05,251 A photo of us? 43 00:03:05,459 --> 00:03:06,876 Fetch Mr Jacob. 44 00:03:07,084 --> 00:03:08,042 Photo with my mate. 45 00:03:08,501 --> 00:03:11,251 Stop breaking my balls! 46 00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:14,126 Loser! I won't watch you on TV again! 47 00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:16,751 Come on, Fifi. He's an arsehole. 48 00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:20,542 - We've a problem, sir. - This isn't the time. 49 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,459 Michel! I thought you couldn't make it. 50 00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:25,959 - Who told you that? - Your agent. 51 00:03:26,126 --> 00:03:27,209 This is madness. 52 00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:29,501 He told us you were busy. 53 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,459 What do I do now? Sleep on the beach? 54 00:03:32,709 --> 00:03:34,501 Is the hotel full? 55 00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,209 Mr Depardieu has gone to Bulgaria, 56 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,292 but he's left his effects. 57 00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:40,584 Give me his suite. 58 00:03:40,792 --> 00:03:41,751 It's delicate. 59 00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:43,626 Old Gérard wouldn't mind. 60 00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:45,251 If Mr Jacob... 61 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,917 It's the only solution. See you later. 62 00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:49,417 Right. 63 00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:56,126 Change the sheets. With Depardieu, I'd rather. 64 00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:07,417 What room is she in? All right. 65 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,001 Go on, open it. 66 00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:21,709 - Put it on Depardieu's tab. - Right, sir. 67 00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:28,959 Is that Mathilda? Michel Blanc here. 68 00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:30,709 How's things? 69 00:04:31,584 --> 00:04:33,001 I just got here. 70 00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:36,709 Are you alone? Do you have a minute? 71 00:04:38,292 --> 00:04:41,917 I've an idea for a part for you. I'd like to discuss it. 72 00:04:42,334 --> 00:04:44,542 It's a thing I'm working on. 73 00:04:45,542 --> 00:04:46,834 See you shortly. 74 00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:51,417 What's going on? 75 00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:53,626 Blanc's going to screw May. 76 00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:55,584 You're sick! 77 00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:57,417 You know I'm seeing someone. 78 00:04:57,667 --> 00:04:58,834 You can still relax. 79 00:04:59,084 --> 00:05:00,667 I do that with him. 80 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,209 He isn't here. You frigid or something? 81 00:05:03,459 --> 00:05:04,584 Just stop! 82 00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:08,584 Stop! I don't want to be mean, 83 00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:10,959 but I've never found you attractive. 84 00:05:12,376 --> 00:05:15,376 You're really weird. It's your loss. 85 00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:19,667 Michel! 86 00:05:19,876 --> 00:05:23,001 Michel. How are you? I didn't know you were in Cannes. 87 00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:25,376 I have a part for you. 88 00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:27,376 I'd like to discuss it. 89 00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,334 - Now? - It's urgent. 90 00:05:29,542 --> 00:05:31,209 Hi Michel! All right? 91 00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:33,834 You're here, too? 92 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,876 I'll come back later. 93 00:05:36,084 --> 00:05:37,459 Don't be silly! 94 00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:40,376 Things don't look too good. I'll come back. 95 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:44,209 - Hands off! - Sure? 96 00:05:44,417 --> 00:05:46,251 Yes. Stop it! 97 00:05:46,459 --> 00:05:48,251 What if I don't? 98 00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:49,751 Stop! 99 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:54,126 You disappoint me, my girl. It's all so petty. 100 00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,584 What's got into you? 101 00:05:59,042 --> 00:06:02,542 I'm a bit down at the moment. I feel so alone. 102 00:06:03,459 --> 00:06:06,251 As soon as I wake up, I feel like bawling. 103 00:06:06,959 --> 00:06:09,501 I was looking at my balcony earlier. 104 00:06:09,667 --> 00:06:12,001 Thinking I might as well jump. 105 00:06:12,209 --> 00:06:15,084 With a bit of luck, I'd land on a Rolls. 106 00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,376 I've always loved English cars. 107 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,042 Don't you have a girlfriend? 108 00:06:20,251 --> 00:06:23,084 That's just it. She left me for Patrick Bruel. 109 00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:25,209 I didn't know. 110 00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,292 I'm sorry I slapped you. 111 00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,209 No hard feelings. 112 00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:35,001 I've got a lump in my throat. Got any champagne? 113 00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:37,667 With 2 Temestas, it might do the trick. 114 00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,501 I'll go see. 115 00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:47,792 Only half bottles. 116 00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:49,542 That's fine. Give me two. 117 00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:02,167 The winners will receive 118 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:06,626 the weight of Miss Festival's breasts in video cassettes! 119 00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,751 And that's not all, folks! 120 00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:15,209 Cassettes signed by the one and only Michel Blanc! 121 00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:21,584 Thank you. I think it's high time 122 00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:25,167 we asked Michel Blanc to step up on the stage 123 00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:26,792 and give his verdict. 124 00:07:26,959 --> 00:07:29,959 Put your hands together for... Michel Blanc! 125 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,667 That's enough. I don't have all night. 126 00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:47,209 I'll start at the end. In tenth position: Nadine. 127 00:07:52,584 --> 00:07:54,792 Here's twenty grand. Count it. 128 00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:56,876 What about my meal? 129 00:07:57,042 --> 00:07:58,417 You turned up late. 130 00:07:58,584 --> 00:08:01,959 I had dinner at the Carlton. If you could reimburse me... 131 00:08:03,042 --> 00:08:04,667 Is 500 francs all right? 132 00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:08,084 My dinner cost more. The Carlton isn't cheap. 133 00:08:08,876 --> 00:08:11,042 If that's the best you can do... 134 00:08:14,251 --> 00:08:17,209 It's fabulous! How I can I thank you? 135 00:08:17,376 --> 00:08:19,834 I'll think of something, Karine! 136 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,001 It is Karine? 137 00:08:23,042 --> 00:08:25,251 - Where are we going? - Not far. 138 00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,792 Ever wanted to be in movies? 139 00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:30,459 We had plans. He'd sent me the script. 140 00:08:30,626 --> 00:08:34,042 But Emmanuelle Béart told me he'd promised her the role. 141 00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:37,542 I decided to discuss it with Michel... calmly. 142 00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:50,667 You bastard! I'll blow your brains out! 143 00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:00,709 Cut! 144 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:02,917 Perfect, Carole! 145 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,209 Thanks! 146 00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:05,876 See you tomorrow! 147 00:09:06,959 --> 00:09:08,459 Ah, the gun! 148 00:09:09,292 --> 00:09:11,709 - How are you? - That depends on you. 149 00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:14,834 Drive me home. We can chat on the way. 150 00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,917 I've something to ask you. 151 00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:24,084 Am I the only one you offered the part to? 152 00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:26,292 Of course. Why? 153 00:09:26,459 --> 00:09:30,334 Emmanuelle Béart said you'd told her about it in Cannes. 154 00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:33,001 This year? Didn't go near the place. 155 00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,167 Hello. 156 00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:00,001 Do you recognize me? 157 00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:03,167 No, sorry. 158 00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:06,042 Last week at Denise's. Remember? 159 00:10:07,626 --> 00:10:10,209 No, not at all. I don't know a Denise. 160 00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:13,709 The swingers' club in Les Halles! 161 00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:17,334 My wife was in a blue thong. 162 00:10:19,292 --> 00:10:21,417 It doesn't ring any bells. 163 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,126 You are Michel Blanc? 164 00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:24,709 I'm not your guy. 165 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,334 I get it! 166 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,417 Pally at orgies, but not in front of your missus! 167 00:10:32,251 --> 00:10:34,834 Next time, even if it's Mickey Rourke, 168 00:10:35,042 --> 00:10:37,876 no one's screwing my wife! 169 00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:42,667 I don't know the guy! Sorry, Carole. 170 00:10:43,417 --> 00:10:45,459 Don't worry. I'm discreet. 171 00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:47,376 I won't tell a soul. 172 00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,376 I don't go to such places. 173 00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:54,667 Your private life is your affair. First right. 174 00:11:01,959 --> 00:11:02,792 Thanks. 175 00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:06,042 Goodbye, Michel. 176 00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:12,292 I like your idea. Get to work. 177 00:11:12,459 --> 00:11:14,001 Forget such dubious places. 178 00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:15,501 Carole, honestly... 179 00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:18,001 Relax, Michel. I was joking! 180 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,001 He called me at 2am. 181 00:11:21,209 --> 00:11:23,126 To talk about Carole, I thought. 182 00:11:23,292 --> 00:11:27,126 But he said: "I'm down. How about a drink at Régine's?" 183 00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,459 I realized something wasn't right. 184 00:11:46,292 --> 00:11:47,126 Good evening! 185 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:53,126 I told you if you came back I'd smash you in the face! 186 00:11:53,501 --> 00:11:54,667 Take that! 187 00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,501 What are you're doing? You're crazy! 188 00:11:57,709 --> 00:11:59,751 I told you not to come back. 189 00:12:00,126 --> 00:12:03,709 I'm willing to forget what happened, but don't come back. 190 00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,959 What's this? Candid Camera? 191 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:15,001 I didn't know. 192 00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,584 My son never talks. 193 00:12:16,751 --> 00:12:18,417 He does, you don't listen. 194 00:12:18,584 --> 00:12:20,834 I soon realized something was up. 195 00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:21,959 Right! 196 00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:30,667 Am I glad to see you! I'm dying for a pee. 197 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:31,959 Why are you here? 198 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,834 I've got your rabbit pâté. 199 00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:35,876 - What pâté? - The one you asked for. 200 00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:37,751 Come on! I'm bursting! 201 00:12:37,917 --> 00:12:39,709 I never asked Mum for anything! 202 00:12:39,876 --> 00:12:42,292 Take the pâté. Don't argue! 203 00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:46,501 What will I do with all this? 204 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:49,792 What do you think? Perfume your wardrobes? 205 00:12:49,959 --> 00:12:51,834 I hardly ever eat at home. 206 00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:55,001 It's easier to blow your cash in a restaurant! 207 00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:57,751 You obviously don't sweat for your money! 208 00:13:00,417 --> 00:13:04,459 Hey! You still haven't fixed the loo. 209 00:13:04,959 --> 00:13:06,751 Forgot to call the plumber. 210 00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:10,209 You don't need a plumber. It'll only take a minute. 211 00:13:10,376 --> 00:13:12,084 I don't have the time! 212 00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,292 I'll fix it myself. 213 00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:17,459 Forget it! I'll see to it tomorrow. 214 00:13:17,626 --> 00:13:19,959 My eye! Where are your tools? 215 00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:22,334 Why would I have tools? 216 00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,834 - To fix the flush. - I don't have any. 217 00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:28,292 I'll fix it with a fork. Unless you don't have any, 218 00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:30,501 because you always eat out! 219 00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:33,792 Bring me the pâté! I'll put it in the fridge. 220 00:13:39,292 --> 00:13:41,126 When did I ask Mum? 221 00:13:41,292 --> 00:13:45,042 Last week, when you bumped into her in the street. 222 00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:49,209 You're losing your mind, lad! 223 00:13:49,626 --> 00:13:51,751 Have you got a nut-cracker? 224 00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:53,834 I don't know. Look in there. 225 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,001 - Last week? - That's right. 226 00:13:57,459 --> 00:13:59,459 You need a rest, son! 227 00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:02,959 Your mum did tell me you weren't yourself. 228 00:14:03,126 --> 00:14:07,334 You didn't even recognize her. She had to run after you! 229 00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:10,709 You ought to settle down with a nice woman. 230 00:14:10,876 --> 00:14:13,876 Instead of having it away with all those singers! 231 00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:18,709 Pour me a glass of white wine! Make yourself useful! 232 00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:24,459 Something funny is going on. Something isn't right! 233 00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:27,501 He seemed strange. 234 00:14:27,709 --> 00:14:29,417 He's unbearable when he writes. 235 00:14:29,626 --> 00:14:32,917 He doesn't associate with the sort... one ought to! 236 00:14:33,084 --> 00:14:37,042 He spends all his time in clubs. But that's nothing unusual. 237 00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,709 How's the script going? 238 00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:44,376 Not a line since last time. 239 00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:47,709 I bet you'll give up again. 240 00:14:47,876 --> 00:14:51,126 Nothing since Marche à l'ombre. That was 7 years ago. 241 00:14:51,584 --> 00:14:53,584 Why the writer's block? 242 00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:57,167 Weird things are happening. 243 00:14:57,376 --> 00:15:01,126 Everything's going to go tits over arse, I can feel it. 244 00:15:01,292 --> 00:15:04,459 You do too much at once. It can't go on. 245 00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:09,001 You're well paid. Why do appearances in clubs? 246 00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:12,001 What appearances? 247 00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:14,792 I don't care if you demand cash. 248 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,376 But for your image... it's lousy! 249 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,792 I never do appearances! 250 00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:22,542 Someone saw you. 251 00:15:22,709 --> 00:15:23,876 Want to kill me? 252 00:15:24,376 --> 00:15:26,959 Want to drive me insane? What is this? 253 00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:28,501 Why get in a state? 254 00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,292 Everything's pissing me off! 255 00:15:30,501 --> 00:15:34,084 People are pissing me off. My dad is, and so are you! 256 00:15:36,917 --> 00:15:40,751 May I be honest with you? I don't think you're well. 257 00:15:40,917 --> 00:15:42,209 You look awful. 258 00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,376 You do 50 things at once! 259 00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:46,167 Don't you start! 260 00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:48,626 Why not work at my place? 261 00:15:48,792 --> 00:15:51,167 It's a big house. You'd be independent. 262 00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:53,084 It's so peaceful there. 263 00:15:53,251 --> 00:15:54,376 It's in the Tenere? 264 00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:58,292 The Luberon. It's a lovely spot. 265 00:15:58,501 --> 00:15:59,667 I can't write there! 266 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,167 It'd do you good. 267 00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:03,459 She's right. In 3 months' time, 268 00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:06,334 you'll have finished the screenplay. 269 00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:10,334 In 3 months' time, I'll have lost my tongue! 270 00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:13,501 Give it some thought. I'll rent a TV. 271 00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,292 There isn't even a TV? 272 00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:20,001 I've had a rough patch, but things are on the up. 273 00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:21,834 I can feel it. 274 00:16:22,042 --> 00:16:22,959 Let's go! 275 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,042 What do you want? 276 00:16:44,209 --> 00:16:45,626 Are you Michel Blanc? 277 00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:48,667 I don't know, it's too early! Who are you? 278 00:16:49,126 --> 00:16:51,542 Police. I arrest jokers! Search the place! 279 00:16:57,792 --> 00:16:59,167 Check the bedroom. 280 00:17:07,751 --> 00:17:10,501 I'm warning you, I know Bernard Kouchner! 281 00:17:13,459 --> 00:17:15,251 What are you accused of? 282 00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,334 I don't bloody know! 283 00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:35,667 So you left Carole Bouquet's home around 1am, did you? 284 00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:36,751 Yes! 285 00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:38,292 You came straight home? 286 00:17:38,459 --> 00:17:40,834 Yes! I went straight to bed. 287 00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:43,459 Let me tell you a secret, Mr Blanc. 288 00:17:43,626 --> 00:17:46,542 I've always wanted to nab an actor. 289 00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:48,626 And I soon will! 290 00:17:48,792 --> 00:17:51,584 Have a little think. It'll save time. 291 00:17:51,751 --> 00:17:52,792 Face to face! 292 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,417 Why are you here? 293 00:18:09,251 --> 00:18:11,542 What do you think? Bloody sod! 294 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,792 - Josie, what's the matter? - As if you don't know! 295 00:18:15,959 --> 00:18:19,209 - Relax! - You bloody pig! 296 00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:20,626 Bastard! 297 00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:23,251 Leave a bit for me. Sit him down. 298 00:18:24,251 --> 00:18:26,084 What is this? 299 00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:28,834 Be reasonable. Or my hand might slip. 300 00:18:29,001 --> 00:18:30,167 It's your choice. 301 00:18:30,334 --> 00:18:33,167 Mrs Balasko, please repeat what you told us. 302 00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:36,376 It was about three in the morning. 303 00:18:36,542 --> 00:18:39,376 The doorbell rang. I was home alone. 304 00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:42,959 I saw this prick, and let him in. How was I to know! 305 00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:47,126 Before I knew it, he'd tied me up and screwed me! 306 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,376 If you can call it that! 307 00:18:50,292 --> 00:18:51,042 You're mad! 308 00:18:51,251 --> 00:18:55,251 Don't think I came! I faked it to get rid of you! 309 00:18:55,459 --> 00:18:56,876 This is a nightmare. 310 00:18:57,084 --> 00:18:59,042 You still deny it? Lock him up! 311 00:18:59,251 --> 00:19:00,417 Let's be having you! 312 00:19:00,876 --> 00:19:02,959 Bloody pervert! 313 00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:04,917 It's a misunderstanding! 314 00:19:05,084 --> 00:19:08,334 It always is! Life is one big misunderstanding! 315 00:19:13,292 --> 00:19:14,126 No! 316 00:19:14,876 --> 00:19:18,167 Look, we're getting a better sort of crowd! 317 00:19:18,876 --> 00:19:22,667 Maybe we got the wrong club. Maybe we're at Bains-Douches. 318 00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:25,626 Say hello, then. You're more chatty on TV. 319 00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:29,084 Maybe it's us. We're not good enough for him. 320 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,584 Is that it? 321 00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:34,917 Why are you here, love? To what do we owe the honour? 322 00:19:35,084 --> 00:19:36,209 I did nothing! 323 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,084 Don't take us for mugs! 324 00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:39,876 I'm innocent. 325 00:19:40,042 --> 00:19:42,334 We're innocent, too. 326 00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:45,376 The world's full of innocent men, so are the prisons. 327 00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:48,001 I'm an innocent killer. 328 00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:51,417 Dédé here is an innocent arsonist. 329 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,584 What about you, Mimi? 330 00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:57,001 Mind if I call you Mimi? 331 00:19:57,459 --> 00:19:59,251 - You're hurting me. - I'm not! 332 00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:00,751 Stop or I'll shout! 333 00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:03,751 No one will come! It's time for What a night! 334 00:20:03,917 --> 00:20:05,001 The cops are busy. 335 00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:06,834 You're hurting me! 336 00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:09,709 Do you know why? 337 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,292 Because you're tense. 338 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:15,126 Just relax a little. You won't feel a thing. 339 00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:17,084 Leave me alone! 340 00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:19,167 What a bundle of nerves! 341 00:20:19,376 --> 00:20:20,709 You're so tense! 342 00:20:20,876 --> 00:20:23,126 He could do with a good fuck! 343 00:20:23,334 --> 00:20:25,417 You're crazy! I'll scream! 344 00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:27,709 It'd boost your career! 345 00:20:27,876 --> 00:20:29,917 It's pretty limp right now. 346 00:20:30,084 --> 00:20:32,001 You don't deserve your salary. 347 00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:34,334 Just imagine the publicity! 348 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:37,667 "Comedian sodomised in police custody"! 349 00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:39,709 You'd get an honorary César! 350 00:20:39,876 --> 00:20:40,751 Help! 351 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:42,667 Nominated! 352 00:20:45,292 --> 00:20:46,792 I want out! 353 00:20:46,959 --> 00:20:49,667 You're free. The charges have been dropped. 354 00:20:49,834 --> 00:20:52,751 Get out of here! You were lucky this time. 355 00:20:52,917 --> 00:20:55,709 But something tells me we'll meet again. 356 00:20:58,751 --> 00:21:01,376 The visitors' book. Sign it for us? 357 00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:03,542 Loads of your mates have. 358 00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,334 You're here? Waiting to slap me? 359 00:21:12,876 --> 00:21:16,584 - Did I rape you, too? - What are you talking about? 360 00:21:16,792 --> 00:21:19,126 They wanted to know what time you left. 361 00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:21,084 What's going on? 362 00:21:21,292 --> 00:21:23,834 I don't know. I'm dead tired. 363 00:21:24,042 --> 00:21:26,792 I need treatment. I want to see a shrink. 364 00:21:27,001 --> 00:21:30,292 No! Out the back. The place is swarming with hacks. 365 00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:35,084 It's too late to see a shrink. You can go tomorrow. 366 00:21:35,251 --> 00:21:38,334 I'm going to casualty. I want to be admitted. 367 00:21:38,501 --> 00:21:40,501 - I'll drive you. - Certainly not! 368 00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,167 Go, Carole! I could be a monster! 369 00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:56,042 See? 370 00:21:57,001 --> 00:21:58,417 See who it is? 371 00:22:00,042 --> 00:22:01,709 Emergency psychiatry? 372 00:22:01,876 --> 00:22:04,501 End lift, 3rd floor. You can't miss it. 373 00:22:33,584 --> 00:22:35,542 - Aren't you Carole Bouquet? - Yes! 374 00:22:37,417 --> 00:22:39,292 Can I have an autograph? 375 00:22:39,501 --> 00:22:41,751 Of course. If I can find some paper. 376 00:22:44,709 --> 00:22:48,167 - Wait a second. - This isn't the time, madam. 377 00:22:50,209 --> 00:22:51,459 If it's a girl, 378 00:22:51,667 --> 00:22:54,417 I'll call her Carole! 379 00:23:06,751 --> 00:23:07,751 Is this it? 380 00:23:11,876 --> 00:23:13,834 I reckon it is. 381 00:23:21,292 --> 00:23:23,751 Mr Blanc, I don't think you're Dr Jekyll 382 00:23:23,959 --> 00:23:27,126 or Mr Hyde. 383 00:23:27,334 --> 00:23:29,209 Simply an overworked actor, 384 00:23:29,376 --> 00:23:31,959 who sometimes plays another Michel Blanc... 385 00:23:33,876 --> 00:23:35,459 but hides it from himself. 386 00:23:35,667 --> 00:23:37,584 - I'm completely mad? - No! 387 00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:40,334 I think you need a rest. 388 00:23:40,501 --> 00:23:43,584 I'm going to give you some little pills 389 00:23:43,751 --> 00:23:47,959 which will help you turn all this into a bad memory. 390 00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:50,501 Do you have a place in the country 391 00:23:50,667 --> 00:23:53,542 where you could rest for a few weeks? 392 00:23:53,709 --> 00:23:56,292 Yes! I've got a place in the Luberon. 393 00:23:56,626 --> 00:23:59,917 That's perfect! I've lots of patients there. 394 00:24:00,084 --> 00:24:00,917 There we go! 395 00:24:06,084 --> 00:24:09,501 Have a good rest. And carry on making us laugh! 396 00:24:11,959 --> 00:24:14,584 Take a gun. One never knows. 397 00:24:41,751 --> 00:24:44,667 It won't do any good. I'm not tired. 398 00:24:44,834 --> 00:24:47,667 You can be so negative! 399 00:24:47,834 --> 00:24:50,376 I'm anxious. With good reason, no? 400 00:24:50,542 --> 00:24:51,542 No! 401 00:24:52,251 --> 00:24:53,376 Is that so? 402 00:24:54,251 --> 00:24:58,001 I don't recall raping Balasko. I'm wrong to be anxious? 403 00:24:58,167 --> 00:25:01,584 I'd understand you if she didn't remember! 404 00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:04,959 That's right, make fun of me! It's in poor taste. 405 00:25:05,126 --> 00:25:08,334 I'm only trying to help you relax. 406 00:25:08,667 --> 00:25:10,959 How can I? I don't know what's happening. 407 00:25:11,167 --> 00:25:14,251 Why try to understand everything? 408 00:25:14,417 --> 00:25:15,626 Accept the mystery. 409 00:25:16,334 --> 00:25:18,417 Mysteries can be beautiful, too. 410 00:25:18,959 --> 00:25:21,584 Working with Buñuel turned you into a mystic! 411 00:25:21,792 --> 00:25:23,376 It wouldn't have harmed you! 412 00:25:25,209 --> 00:25:26,334 Meaning? 413 00:25:26,542 --> 00:25:28,626 Forget it. Take your pills. 414 00:25:31,626 --> 00:25:33,792 It's true you're a cold woman. 415 00:25:34,001 --> 00:25:37,126 And you're a royal pain in the ass, Michel! 416 00:26:07,501 --> 00:26:10,917 Michel! Wake up. We're here. 417 00:26:11,667 --> 00:26:14,459 Well? What do you think? 418 00:26:28,209 --> 00:26:29,417 Right! 419 00:26:30,376 --> 00:26:32,584 Even worse than I expected. 420 00:26:50,667 --> 00:26:54,126 How could anyone write a comedy in this place? 421 00:26:57,626 --> 00:27:00,292 - Well? - Couldn't hear a thing. 422 00:27:00,917 --> 00:27:03,251 Hasn't touched his food. Just the scotch 423 00:27:03,417 --> 00:27:05,001 and his pills! 424 00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:06,834 You should go see. 425 00:27:07,001 --> 00:27:10,126 He hasn't emerged for three days. It isn't normal. 426 00:27:11,459 --> 00:27:13,584 I don't want to disturb him. 427 00:27:13,876 --> 00:27:15,584 He'll eat when he's hungry. 428 00:27:17,584 --> 00:27:19,292 Maybe he'll never eat again. 429 00:27:19,459 --> 00:27:20,792 What do you mean? 430 00:27:20,959 --> 00:27:24,209 Alcohol and drugs don't make happy bedfellows! 431 00:27:24,376 --> 00:27:26,459 Only nasty suicides. 432 00:27:26,626 --> 00:27:28,459 Why would he kill himself? 433 00:27:29,042 --> 00:27:30,959 He wasn't very cheery. 434 00:27:31,126 --> 00:27:33,001 You like tragedy! 435 00:27:33,167 --> 00:27:35,126 Life made me that way. 436 00:27:36,042 --> 00:27:38,751 Reminds me of poor cousin Albert. 437 00:27:38,917 --> 00:27:41,084 He was small and ugly, too. 438 00:27:41,251 --> 00:27:43,709 One day we found him hanging! 439 00:27:43,876 --> 00:27:46,376 Stop talking nonsense! 440 00:27:52,626 --> 00:27:54,667 You've scared me. 441 00:27:58,084 --> 00:27:58,917 Michel! 442 00:28:08,001 --> 00:28:09,709 Are you okay? 443 00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:14,292 See, it isn't normal! 444 00:28:14,459 --> 00:28:16,542 Something terrible has happened! 445 00:28:16,751 --> 00:28:18,626 Keep an eye on lunch! 446 00:28:21,584 --> 00:28:23,626 Michel, I'm coming in. 447 00:28:43,417 --> 00:28:45,709 - Michel! - It isn't me! 448 00:28:47,709 --> 00:28:48,542 All right? 449 00:28:48,876 --> 00:28:51,251 - Where am I? - In the Luberon. 450 00:28:51,959 --> 00:28:53,834 You don't recognize me? 451 00:28:54,001 --> 00:28:55,084 What? 452 00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:57,667 - You're in the country. - I can't hear. 453 00:28:58,084 --> 00:29:00,042 You're at my place. 454 00:29:00,459 --> 00:29:01,876 What time is it? 455 00:29:02,042 --> 00:29:03,084 2pm. 456 00:29:03,292 --> 00:29:04,792 Why the earplugs? 457 00:29:05,001 --> 00:29:07,001 - There's no noise. - Precisely! 458 00:29:07,584 --> 00:29:09,542 The silence wakes me up! 459 00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:13,834 Sorry to intrude, but I was worried. 460 00:29:14,042 --> 00:29:15,792 You're not eating. 461 00:29:15,959 --> 00:29:17,209 I'm in knots. 462 00:29:17,417 --> 00:29:20,626 Because you're shut up in here. It's so gloomy. 463 00:29:20,834 --> 00:29:22,209 Why not work outside? 464 00:29:22,376 --> 00:29:25,417 No one has ever written outside! 465 00:29:25,626 --> 00:29:26,751 The light is lovely! 466 00:29:26,959 --> 00:29:29,417 - I'm not a painter! - Of course not. 467 00:29:29,626 --> 00:29:32,709 You should open the shutters, enjoy the view. 468 00:29:33,334 --> 00:29:34,667 The view distresses me! 469 00:29:35,459 --> 00:29:36,959 It so bloody grim! 470 00:29:37,584 --> 00:29:40,167 The sun might cheer you up. 471 00:29:40,376 --> 00:29:42,209 That'd be a first! 472 00:29:42,959 --> 00:29:44,251 Mind out! 473 00:29:53,042 --> 00:29:56,167 I've made a Provencal stew. 474 00:29:56,334 --> 00:29:59,042 Would a Saint Joseph go with it? 475 00:29:59,209 --> 00:30:02,667 It'll go with the stew, but as for me... 476 00:30:02,834 --> 00:30:05,376 How can I work after a stew? 477 00:30:05,542 --> 00:30:06,542 It won't change much. 478 00:30:06,751 --> 00:30:08,792 You wrote nothing yesterday. 479 00:30:09,292 --> 00:30:12,584 I get it! You want a return on your investment! 480 00:30:13,292 --> 00:30:15,334 Tell me how much I owe you! 481 00:30:15,834 --> 00:30:19,584 Don't take it that way. I'm just trying to be nice. 482 00:30:19,751 --> 00:30:20,751 I see! 483 00:30:20,959 --> 00:30:23,667 Why are you being so nice? 484 00:30:23,834 --> 00:30:25,501 Tell me, Carole Bouquet... 485 00:30:25,667 --> 00:30:27,626 do you intend to screw a comedian? 486 00:30:28,917 --> 00:30:30,709 Got your answer? 487 00:30:30,917 --> 00:30:32,959 - Loud and clear! - Perfect! 488 00:30:33,167 --> 00:30:35,334 Take a shower, get dressed 489 00:30:35,501 --> 00:30:38,251 and drop the Woody Allen act! 490 00:30:38,417 --> 00:30:41,001 Anxious clowns piss me off! 491 00:30:42,251 --> 00:30:45,167 You've got 20 minutes! Is that clear? 492 00:30:45,376 --> 00:30:46,167 All right. 493 00:30:47,042 --> 00:30:48,751 And we're eating outside! 494 00:30:49,417 --> 00:30:51,459 It might do me some good. 495 00:30:55,167 --> 00:30:57,584 Delicious stew, Carole. I mean it. 496 00:30:57,751 --> 00:31:00,209 Thank you, Michel. Have some more. 497 00:31:00,376 --> 00:31:02,417 I really couldn't. 498 00:31:02,584 --> 00:31:04,459 May I clear the table? 499 00:31:07,584 --> 00:31:09,292 Sorry about earlier. 500 00:31:10,834 --> 00:31:13,126 - Forget it. - What came over me? 501 00:31:13,334 --> 00:31:15,667 Must be the whisky and pills. 502 00:31:15,876 --> 00:31:17,542 Stop that for a start. 503 00:31:17,751 --> 00:31:19,626 I'll certainly try. 504 00:31:19,834 --> 00:31:22,959 Why wear a hat? We're in the shade. 505 00:31:23,167 --> 00:31:26,417 There are gaps in the foliage. I'll look like Gorbachev. 506 00:31:27,417 --> 00:31:28,626 I won't insist! 507 00:31:28,792 --> 00:31:30,792 I'll come see you at Continent. 508 00:31:31,376 --> 00:31:32,251 Sorry? 509 00:31:32,459 --> 00:31:36,667 My granddaughter wants to get her cassette signed. 510 00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:39,584 What's all this about cassettes? 511 00:31:39,792 --> 00:31:41,417 She read it in the paper. 512 00:31:41,626 --> 00:31:43,459 - What paper? - Hold on. 513 00:31:43,667 --> 00:31:45,501 Do you have the paper? 514 00:31:45,667 --> 00:31:47,876 I used it for the peelings. 515 00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,959 I've got it! 516 00:32:01,126 --> 00:32:02,709 "Mr Blanc will be signing cassettes 517 00:32:02,917 --> 00:32:04,959 in the sports section..." 518 00:32:05,626 --> 00:32:07,751 Here we go again! 519 00:32:07,917 --> 00:32:10,209 Let's grab the bull by the horns! 520 00:32:10,376 --> 00:32:12,042 Where are you going? 521 00:32:14,251 --> 00:32:15,501 This is a bad idea! 522 00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:17,751 The nightmare's soon over! 523 00:32:17,959 --> 00:32:21,209 - Where's the sports section? - That way. 524 00:32:22,292 --> 00:32:25,292 Concentrate, Julien. It's your second ball. 525 00:32:25,501 --> 00:32:26,959 Aim for the target! 526 00:32:28,834 --> 00:32:31,667 Missed! You've one more go! 527 00:32:32,751 --> 00:32:33,584 Excuse me. 528 00:32:37,292 --> 00:32:40,792 There's our answer! You have a look-alike. 529 00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,001 You reckon? 530 00:32:42,667 --> 00:32:44,709 It's frightening! Spitting image. 531 00:32:44,917 --> 00:32:46,376 Reassured? 532 00:32:46,584 --> 00:32:48,751 To look like him? 533 00:32:48,959 --> 00:32:51,834 Ready for your third try? 534 00:32:52,042 --> 00:32:53,376 Whenever you're ready! 535 00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:57,876 You win! Right on target! 536 00:32:58,084 --> 00:32:59,209 Appalling! 537 00:33:03,792 --> 00:33:07,042 And he still claims benefit! 538 00:33:07,209 --> 00:33:08,667 Let's wait outside. 539 00:33:08,834 --> 00:33:11,376 We ought to tell the police. He raped Balasko! 540 00:33:11,542 --> 00:33:13,334 I'll protect you! 541 00:33:13,542 --> 00:33:14,626 Hang on! 542 00:33:22,126 --> 00:33:23,042 Excuse me! 543 00:33:23,209 --> 00:33:24,584 No more autographs! 544 00:33:24,751 --> 00:33:26,876 - It isn't that. - What then? 545 00:33:27,042 --> 00:33:28,084 Who are you? 546 00:33:28,292 --> 00:33:29,417 I'm Michel Blanc. 547 00:33:29,626 --> 00:33:31,917 - And you? - We're Michel Blanc, too. 548 00:33:34,209 --> 00:33:35,084 Shit! 549 00:33:35,459 --> 00:33:36,292 Wait! 550 00:33:39,001 --> 00:33:40,084 Stop! 551 00:33:47,542 --> 00:33:48,917 Wait! 552 00:33:49,792 --> 00:33:53,084 We need to talk! We'll catch him up! 553 00:33:56,751 --> 00:33:57,917 He's got a sports car! 554 00:33:58,084 --> 00:34:00,167 Great! I'm a speed freak! 555 00:34:02,292 --> 00:34:03,417 Belt up! 556 00:34:10,626 --> 00:34:11,459 There he is! 557 00:34:31,542 --> 00:34:33,459 - OK? - Not great! 558 00:34:40,917 --> 00:34:42,584 - Stop! - We've got him! 559 00:34:47,167 --> 00:34:48,959 Stop! I'm going to throw up. 560 00:35:11,084 --> 00:35:12,042 Sorry. 561 00:35:12,209 --> 00:35:13,501 Feeling better? 562 00:35:13,667 --> 00:35:14,959 A bit. 563 00:35:15,834 --> 00:35:17,459 We've lost him. 564 00:35:17,626 --> 00:35:19,084 Perhaps not. 565 00:35:19,251 --> 00:35:21,126 - Got his address? - No. 566 00:35:21,292 --> 00:35:23,167 But a village keeps cropping up. 567 00:35:23,334 --> 00:35:24,376 So? 568 00:35:24,542 --> 00:35:26,126 We're going there. 569 00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:27,876 We don't know where it is! 570 00:35:28,042 --> 00:35:29,959 - We'll look! - We won't find it! 571 00:35:30,126 --> 00:35:33,542 Stop being such a pessimist. It's so tiring. 572 00:35:34,417 --> 00:35:35,667 Belt up! 573 00:36:07,167 --> 00:36:09,126 What do we do now? 574 00:36:09,292 --> 00:36:12,417 Ask in the cafe if they know these people. 575 00:36:12,584 --> 00:36:13,917 Why me? 576 00:36:14,084 --> 00:36:16,001 I've driven 400 kilometres! 577 00:36:16,167 --> 00:36:19,251 Stop asking questions! Just get a move on! 578 00:36:20,959 --> 00:36:22,334 OK. I'm going. 579 00:36:28,084 --> 00:36:31,834 But you'd best change your tone, or I'll blow my top! 580 00:36:32,001 --> 00:36:34,667 - I hear you! - Good! 581 00:36:42,792 --> 00:36:43,626 Hello! 582 00:36:44,084 --> 00:36:46,417 Our star! How are you, Mr Patrick? 583 00:36:46,584 --> 00:36:49,417 - Patrick? - The handsome one! Drink? 584 00:36:49,584 --> 00:36:51,292 We weren't expecting you. 585 00:36:51,501 --> 00:36:55,209 Come and give us a kiss! Or do I have to get up? 586 00:36:56,501 --> 00:36:57,417 No... 587 00:36:57,834 --> 00:36:59,334 Hello, handsome! 588 00:37:00,584 --> 00:37:02,959 You've changed cologne. 589 00:37:03,167 --> 00:37:05,001 He's got company! 590 00:37:05,917 --> 00:37:08,709 - A lass at last! - Bloody Nora! 591 00:37:08,917 --> 00:37:10,126 It's Carole Bouquet! 592 00:37:10,334 --> 00:37:12,501 - It isn't! - You're doing OK! 593 00:37:13,001 --> 00:37:14,334 Jammy sod! 594 00:37:14,751 --> 00:37:17,167 To think we were schoolmates! 595 00:37:17,376 --> 00:37:19,042 I never have any luck! 596 00:37:19,209 --> 00:37:21,751 What about me? Married to you! 597 00:37:21,959 --> 00:37:24,834 I'd rather get laid by Alain Delon! 598 00:37:25,001 --> 00:37:26,917 It's not what I meant! 599 00:37:27,126 --> 00:37:30,334 - OK! - Stop your bickering! 600 00:37:31,084 --> 00:37:32,292 I'd best be off. 601 00:37:32,501 --> 00:37:35,167 Since you're here... I've a parcel for your mum. 602 00:37:35,334 --> 00:37:37,084 Save me the trip. 603 00:37:37,292 --> 00:37:38,501 - All right. - Here! 604 00:37:41,376 --> 00:37:43,001 Kiss Carole for us! 605 00:37:44,001 --> 00:37:45,584 Will do. 606 00:37:59,626 --> 00:38:00,584 Well? 607 00:38:00,751 --> 00:38:04,126 They called me Patrick. That's for my mum. 608 00:38:04,292 --> 00:38:06,084 One was a schoolmate. 609 00:38:06,251 --> 00:38:09,001 It's normal. They think you're your look-alike. 610 00:38:09,167 --> 00:38:11,167 Your mate left his mark! 611 00:38:12,584 --> 00:38:13,834 Where to now? 612 00:38:14,001 --> 00:38:16,501 To your mother's. We've got her address. 613 00:38:23,167 --> 00:38:24,417 Goodness! 614 00:38:24,626 --> 00:38:26,042 Hello, madam! 615 00:38:26,251 --> 00:38:29,417 You might've let me know, Patrick! 616 00:38:29,584 --> 00:38:33,084 It's bad of you! What do I look like in my dressing gown! 617 00:38:33,251 --> 00:38:35,751 It isn't fit for Carole Bouquet! 618 00:38:37,001 --> 00:38:39,834 Always surprising me, he is! 619 00:38:40,001 --> 00:38:41,959 You'll catch your death. 620 00:38:42,126 --> 00:38:43,417 It's late... 621 00:38:43,626 --> 00:38:46,626 Don't you worry! Go in. 622 00:38:47,417 --> 00:38:50,126 Fetch a bottle from the cellar! 623 00:38:50,292 --> 00:38:53,834 - The cellar? - Under the house, silly! 624 00:38:54,042 --> 00:38:56,251 Unless you'd prefer a Suze, madam? 625 00:38:56,417 --> 00:38:58,709 I don't mind. I don't want to bother you. 626 00:38:58,876 --> 00:39:00,501 You're no bother at all! 627 00:39:00,667 --> 00:39:03,501 I'm so ashamed! Looks like a gyppo's home. 628 00:39:03,667 --> 00:39:05,126 That way. 629 00:39:08,376 --> 00:39:10,334 I'll show you your room. 630 00:39:10,501 --> 00:39:11,917 We can't stay. 631 00:39:12,084 --> 00:39:15,917 You must stay for dinner. I don't have much... 632 00:39:16,084 --> 00:39:18,334 - No, really... - Don't argue, Carole! 633 00:39:18,667 --> 00:39:21,251 May I call you Carole? I'm Marthe. 634 00:39:23,292 --> 00:39:24,751 Have a seat. 635 00:39:29,209 --> 00:39:30,667 Admiring my photos? 636 00:39:30,834 --> 00:39:33,876 I cut them out the paper. Mothers! 637 00:39:34,542 --> 00:39:36,209 You have children, too. 638 00:39:36,751 --> 00:39:41,042 Every time I see Patrick on telly, I cry like a fool. 639 00:39:41,251 --> 00:39:43,251 - Patrick? - His real name! 640 00:39:43,459 --> 00:39:45,042 Patrick Olivier. 641 00:39:45,209 --> 00:39:48,501 Michel Blanc's his stage name. Didn't want to upset his dad. 642 00:39:49,126 --> 00:39:52,584 One night me and my hubby were watching telly, 643 00:39:52,792 --> 00:39:55,334 and there he was on the box! 644 00:39:55,501 --> 00:39:57,084 We were chuffed. 645 00:39:57,251 --> 00:40:00,251 He used to be a celebrity at the police station! 646 00:40:00,459 --> 00:40:03,209 Nothing serious, mind: car radio theft, 647 00:40:03,376 --> 00:40:05,167 but we were afraid for him. 648 00:40:05,709 --> 00:40:07,667 He made a face when he saw himself. 649 00:40:07,876 --> 00:40:11,042 Said he wanted to surprise us. He's a good lad. 650 00:40:12,876 --> 00:40:14,709 Carole, we can't stay. 651 00:40:14,876 --> 00:40:16,626 I'll pop something in the oven! 652 00:40:16,834 --> 00:40:18,584 Take the tray! 653 00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:19,667 We'll eat... 654 00:40:19,876 --> 00:40:21,751 - We're not hungry! - I am! 655 00:40:29,001 --> 00:40:30,501 - Where are they? - Eating! 656 00:40:30,667 --> 00:40:33,792 - How long? - Forty five minutes. 657 00:40:34,001 --> 00:40:36,626 They had a tomato salad to start. 658 00:40:36,792 --> 00:40:38,209 - With what? - Muscadet! 659 00:40:38,417 --> 00:40:41,042 White wine with salad! 660 00:40:41,251 --> 00:40:42,334 It had tuna in it. 661 00:40:42,542 --> 00:40:45,834 A chilled côtes du rhône would've been better. 662 00:40:46,001 --> 00:40:48,167 - The other with the next course. - What is it? 663 00:40:48,376 --> 00:40:51,126 Pork confit roasted with garlic. 664 00:40:51,917 --> 00:40:53,376 As vegetables, courgettes. 665 00:40:53,584 --> 00:40:56,459 If they need any cheese, I've got some! 666 00:40:56,626 --> 00:40:58,709 She has everything she needs! 667 00:41:00,001 --> 00:41:01,376 It's going well! 668 00:41:01,584 --> 00:41:04,542 - What's she like? - Very kind, easygoing. 669 00:41:04,709 --> 00:41:06,792 She's had two helpings of brawn! 670 00:41:09,001 --> 00:41:12,334 You're crazy! We shouldn't have stayed for dinner. 671 00:41:12,501 --> 00:41:13,959 She's delighted to have us. 672 00:41:14,126 --> 00:41:17,042 Maybe she's in cahoots with her son! 673 00:41:17,209 --> 00:41:19,042 We'll end up 6 feet under! 674 00:41:19,209 --> 00:41:21,751 I've fried a few wild mushrooms. 675 00:41:21,917 --> 00:41:24,209 To help the pork go down! 676 00:41:24,959 --> 00:41:26,584 Aren't you eating? 677 00:41:26,792 --> 00:41:28,417 - It's the damp. - Knock, knock! 678 00:41:28,792 --> 00:41:29,959 Why, Mrs Baudet! 679 00:41:30,167 --> 00:41:32,792 - Am I disturbing you? - We're eating. 680 00:41:33,001 --> 00:41:35,001 But come in! It's Mrs Baudet. 681 00:41:35,167 --> 00:41:36,459 A family occasion... 682 00:41:36,667 --> 00:41:40,501 Just an informal dinner. Have a bit of tart with us. 683 00:41:40,709 --> 00:41:44,751 You know Carole Bouquet. She taught Patrick everything. 684 00:41:44,917 --> 00:41:46,834 - Hello, Mrs Bouquet. - Hello, madam. 685 00:41:47,042 --> 00:41:48,292 Hello, sonny! 686 00:41:48,459 --> 00:41:51,292 - Have a drink. - Don't mind if I do! 687 00:41:51,876 --> 00:41:55,084 But you must come to mine for coffee afterwards. 688 00:41:55,292 --> 00:41:57,917 My son would love to see you! 689 00:41:58,084 --> 00:42:00,001 We really can't stay. 690 00:42:00,209 --> 00:42:02,501 They're in the area for the night. 691 00:42:02,709 --> 00:42:05,334 Just for a minute! Say hello before you go. 692 00:42:05,542 --> 00:42:09,292 It'll be the best day of his life. He's been paralysed 5 years! 693 00:42:10,042 --> 00:42:11,001 Come on, Carole! 694 00:42:11,209 --> 00:42:13,209 OK. But just for a minute. 695 00:42:13,876 --> 00:42:15,417 You're a kind woman. 696 00:42:15,917 --> 00:42:17,209 It shows! 697 00:42:51,626 --> 00:42:53,917 Come on. It's this way. 698 00:43:07,584 --> 00:43:10,417 Go on. He's in there. 699 00:43:19,126 --> 00:43:20,126 In you go. 700 00:43:29,042 --> 00:43:30,209 Go on. 701 00:43:31,251 --> 00:43:33,751 Hello! Delighted to meet you! 702 00:43:46,376 --> 00:43:47,417 Don't disturb him! 703 00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:50,417 - Give me your hand! - Of course! 704 00:43:51,584 --> 00:43:52,584 All right? 705 00:43:54,167 --> 00:43:55,584 Sure he's OK? 706 00:43:55,792 --> 00:43:57,042 I don't know! 707 00:44:00,459 --> 00:44:02,084 What's wrong with him? 708 00:44:02,292 --> 00:44:03,667 I'll let you rest! 709 00:44:05,834 --> 00:44:07,834 No! Stay in bed! 710 00:44:13,334 --> 00:44:14,376 Bloody hell! 711 00:44:14,584 --> 00:44:16,459 He's walking! 712 00:44:17,042 --> 00:44:19,834 Right. Come on, Carole! 713 00:44:20,251 --> 00:44:21,667 I can walk... 714 00:44:22,209 --> 00:44:23,626 Careful! 715 00:44:25,626 --> 00:44:26,709 It's a miracle! 716 00:44:26,917 --> 00:44:28,084 He can walk! 717 00:44:32,959 --> 00:44:34,042 Please come on! 718 00:44:34,251 --> 00:44:36,584 Look! I can walk! 719 00:44:36,792 --> 00:44:38,626 Carole, that's enough! 720 00:44:39,751 --> 00:44:40,834 I can walk! 721 00:44:41,584 --> 00:44:43,209 Bloody hell, Carole! 722 00:44:45,209 --> 00:44:47,792 I can walk! And I've got a hard-on! 723 00:44:50,292 --> 00:44:51,126 Sorry! 724 00:44:51,834 --> 00:44:52,917 Excuse me! 725 00:44:54,209 --> 00:44:55,709 Excuse me! 726 00:44:56,417 --> 00:44:57,251 Sorry! 727 00:44:59,126 --> 00:45:00,626 Come on, Carole! 728 00:45:02,459 --> 00:45:04,084 Excuse me! 729 00:45:06,126 --> 00:45:08,417 Let go of her hand, sir! 730 00:45:26,542 --> 00:45:28,001 Start the car! 731 00:45:29,751 --> 00:45:32,501 Have you ever wondered what the point was? 732 00:45:32,667 --> 00:45:36,209 Of success, stardom... The whole business! 733 00:45:36,376 --> 00:45:38,834 I haven't really had the time! 734 00:45:39,001 --> 00:45:42,667 Why don't we discuss it some other time? 735 00:45:43,501 --> 00:45:45,626 What have you done with your talent? 736 00:45:46,626 --> 00:45:47,709 Sorry? 737 00:45:48,084 --> 00:45:49,334 Might be the answer. 738 00:45:49,542 --> 00:45:51,376 I cured his legs! 739 00:45:52,459 --> 00:45:55,667 Pull the other one! Come on! 740 00:45:55,876 --> 00:45:58,626 You think you cured a paralytic? 741 00:45:58,834 --> 00:46:01,751 The bloke had a block. You gave him a shock. 742 00:46:01,917 --> 00:46:04,209 It unblocked him. A miracle! 743 00:46:04,417 --> 00:46:07,709 You refuse to believe in anything. Even what you see! 744 00:46:07,917 --> 00:46:10,667 I thought I was mad, but it's you. 745 00:46:10,876 --> 00:46:13,667 If it suits you to think that. 746 00:46:13,876 --> 00:46:16,917 It'd suit me if we told the cops! 747 00:46:17,084 --> 00:46:18,751 We can't go to the police! 748 00:46:18,917 --> 00:46:21,126 We'll find Patrick and scare him! 749 00:46:22,376 --> 00:46:24,042 Jail would kill his mum. 750 00:46:24,209 --> 00:46:26,126 You're unbelievable! 751 00:46:26,584 --> 00:46:29,209 He's my look-alike not yours! 752 00:46:29,417 --> 00:46:31,542 The cops aren't after you! 753 00:46:31,751 --> 00:46:34,542 Let me sort my own problems! 754 00:46:34,751 --> 00:46:36,584 I'm not driving you to the station! 755 00:46:36,792 --> 00:46:38,209 I'll hitch a ride. 756 00:46:38,417 --> 00:46:39,917 You're in for a long wait. 757 00:46:40,126 --> 00:46:41,876 Providence will provide, Sister. 758 00:46:44,709 --> 00:46:46,709 Don't say I didn't warn you. 759 00:47:06,001 --> 00:47:07,876 I can't let him do that. 760 00:47:31,501 --> 00:47:34,709 Finished your temper tantrum? Jump in! 761 00:47:35,626 --> 00:47:37,584 I wouldn't say no. 762 00:47:41,459 --> 00:47:44,459 I'd rather sit in the back, if you don't mind. 763 00:47:48,334 --> 00:47:49,959 I can drive slowly. 764 00:47:50,126 --> 00:47:52,417 No, it's fine. I just feel like it. 765 00:47:52,709 --> 00:47:54,292 You're a strange guy. 766 00:48:07,501 --> 00:48:09,667 What's wrong? Feel sick again? 767 00:48:09,834 --> 00:48:11,001 Why do you ask? 768 00:48:11,167 --> 00:48:12,751 You look peculiar. 769 00:48:12,959 --> 00:48:15,459 - How so? - Like you've something in mind. 770 00:48:15,667 --> 00:48:17,459 - Spot on! - What's got into you? 771 00:48:17,626 --> 00:48:20,459 I'm ecstatic! Carole Bouquet's breasts! 772 00:48:20,626 --> 00:48:23,334 - I'm fondling Bouquet's breasts! - And? 773 00:48:23,501 --> 00:48:25,126 They're warm and soft! 774 00:48:25,292 --> 00:48:26,667 I meant what now? 775 00:48:26,834 --> 00:48:28,667 We could have sex! 776 00:48:30,792 --> 00:48:33,917 Now you listen to me, Patrick! 777 00:48:34,084 --> 00:48:36,459 - How did you guess? - Feminine intuition. 778 00:48:36,626 --> 00:48:38,209 You're hurting me! 779 00:48:42,292 --> 00:48:43,876 Stop! I'm armed! 780 00:49:01,709 --> 00:49:03,792 The guy from French Fried Vacation! 781 00:49:03,959 --> 00:49:06,126 - Michel Blanc? Where? - Under the salad bar! 782 00:49:07,542 --> 00:49:09,542 - Carole Bouquet! - Come out! 783 00:49:12,542 --> 00:49:13,167 Bloody hell! 784 00:49:14,959 --> 00:49:16,292 Hurry up! 785 00:49:17,417 --> 00:49:18,917 I'm coming out! 786 00:49:19,126 --> 00:49:20,709 While I reload! 787 00:49:27,376 --> 00:49:29,334 I didn't know they were an item! 788 00:49:35,459 --> 00:49:38,292 - Put your gun away! - Shut it! Move! 789 00:49:39,126 --> 00:49:40,251 What do you intend to do? 790 00:49:40,417 --> 00:49:43,876 Move it, or I'll give your arsehole a look-alike! 791 00:49:44,042 --> 00:49:46,001 You lied to the whole village? 792 00:49:46,167 --> 00:49:49,126 They stopped calling me a lazy git. 793 00:49:49,292 --> 00:49:53,167 They liked me. I couldn't tell them the truth. 794 00:49:53,959 --> 00:49:55,584 It's not a big deal. 795 00:49:55,751 --> 00:49:57,501 I've done no harm! 796 00:49:57,667 --> 00:49:58,751 And Balasko? 797 00:49:59,459 --> 00:50:02,417 A blunder. I was after her money. 798 00:50:02,584 --> 00:50:05,376 When I saw her tied up, I couldn't resist! 799 00:50:05,584 --> 00:50:07,292 I'm only human! 800 00:50:07,459 --> 00:50:10,126 Listen carefully, I'll try to be brief. 801 00:50:10,709 --> 00:50:12,917 You'd better keep a low profile. 802 00:50:13,126 --> 00:50:16,876 If I bump into you again, you'll get my fist in your face! 803 00:50:17,042 --> 00:50:17,917 Understand? 804 00:50:18,126 --> 00:50:19,167 Loud and clear! 805 00:50:19,376 --> 00:50:22,167 You've got 5 minutes to disappear! 806 00:50:22,334 --> 00:50:23,251 I'm going! 807 00:50:30,292 --> 00:50:33,376 I wanted to inform the police but Carole refused. 808 00:50:33,542 --> 00:50:35,542 The miracle really shook her. 809 00:50:35,709 --> 00:50:37,792 She reckons it's a miracle. 810 00:50:37,959 --> 00:50:39,376 I think it's nerves. 811 00:50:39,542 --> 00:50:43,209 The bloke probably collapsed as soon as we left. 812 00:50:43,501 --> 00:50:46,751 I prefer to tell all, because the guy's dangerous. 813 00:50:50,542 --> 00:50:52,417 If you have any questions... 814 00:50:56,751 --> 00:50:58,292 Bravo! Here you go! 815 00:50:58,917 --> 00:51:02,001 I've always wondered... 816 00:51:02,167 --> 00:51:04,876 Do you improvise, or learn your lines by heart? 817 00:51:05,501 --> 00:51:06,501 Goodbye! 818 00:51:08,334 --> 00:51:11,751 Try to come for Christmas. We all dress up! 819 00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:28,209 Proud of yourself? 820 00:51:29,584 --> 00:51:32,667 You claim to be a leftie, you sing for Ethiopia. 821 00:51:32,834 --> 00:51:35,126 As long as there are cameras around! 822 00:51:35,292 --> 00:51:37,126 Grassing to the cops! 823 00:51:37,292 --> 00:51:38,667 Don't take the piss! 824 00:51:39,376 --> 00:51:41,001 I'll break your face! 825 00:51:41,376 --> 00:51:43,167 - Calm down! - I'll kill you! 826 00:51:43,376 --> 00:51:45,126 Let me explain! 827 00:51:45,667 --> 00:51:48,751 Explain what? That you're a crook? 828 00:51:48,959 --> 00:51:49,876 You're strangling me! 829 00:51:50,042 --> 00:51:51,542 That's your explanation? 830 00:51:51,751 --> 00:51:52,501 Bastard! 831 00:51:54,959 --> 00:51:57,834 I never asked to look like you! 832 00:51:59,126 --> 00:52:02,292 I'd have chosen someone else! 833 00:52:03,001 --> 00:52:04,501 You think it's easy? 834 00:52:05,084 --> 00:52:07,709 You're always playing jerks! 835 00:52:07,876 --> 00:52:10,251 How about some variety? 836 00:52:10,459 --> 00:52:13,334 I don't need your advice! 837 00:52:13,542 --> 00:52:16,834 Pity that. You'd have avoided a few flops! 838 00:52:17,042 --> 00:52:19,667 Why pass yourself off as me, then? 839 00:52:19,876 --> 00:52:23,876 I have the disadvantages. Why not the advantages? 840 00:52:24,376 --> 00:52:25,501 I've no private life. 841 00:52:25,876 --> 00:52:28,001 People smirk when I trip over. 842 00:52:28,209 --> 00:52:29,792 You chose this life. 843 00:52:29,959 --> 00:52:32,501 And you make a bloody packet! 844 00:52:33,001 --> 00:52:34,542 I've got sod all. 845 00:52:34,709 --> 00:52:36,251 What about the harm you do? 846 00:52:36,459 --> 00:52:37,917 Who's harming who? 847 00:52:38,084 --> 00:52:40,876 What job can I do with a clown's face? 848 00:52:41,042 --> 00:52:43,667 Would Hitler have succeeded with Fernandel's? 849 00:52:44,126 --> 00:52:47,251 You've buggered up my life! That's the truth! 850 00:52:47,459 --> 00:52:49,917 I don't have the time for this! 851 00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:52,959 I've no intention of changing my job or my mug! 852 00:52:53,167 --> 00:52:55,709 You'd better find a solution. 853 00:52:55,917 --> 00:52:59,584 If you start again, I'll find more understanding cops! 854 00:52:59,751 --> 00:53:00,834 OK? Goodnight! 855 00:53:12,376 --> 00:53:14,251 There is a solution! 856 00:53:14,417 --> 00:53:16,626 Yes! You clear off! 857 00:53:17,084 --> 00:53:19,501 We could work together. 858 00:53:19,917 --> 00:53:22,626 How about sharing the workload? 859 00:53:22,792 --> 00:53:26,084 I don't understand. Or rather, I'm afraid I do! 860 00:53:26,292 --> 00:53:30,126 The programmes you hate... I'll do them for you. 861 00:53:31,334 --> 00:53:33,917 - That's a swindle! - Why? 862 00:53:34,126 --> 00:53:36,251 The public gets its money's worth! 863 00:53:36,417 --> 00:53:39,626 You make the films. While I promote them, you write. 864 00:53:39,834 --> 00:53:42,584 And the spectators can only benefit. 865 00:53:43,209 --> 00:53:47,042 Some of your stuff is so tired! But you're only human. 866 00:53:47,376 --> 00:53:50,459 I'll do all the commercial films. 867 00:53:50,667 --> 00:53:53,626 You do the quality stuff. Ideal, isn't it? 868 00:53:53,834 --> 00:53:56,251 I've never done films for money! 869 00:53:56,459 --> 00:53:58,001 Not only anyway! 870 00:53:58,209 --> 00:54:00,959 What about all those ads, eh? 871 00:54:07,459 --> 00:54:11,584 Think about it. Don't you fancy a year off? 872 00:54:11,751 --> 00:54:13,709 India, Burma. 873 00:54:13,876 --> 00:54:17,084 Night falling on Along Bay, the streets of Manila... 874 00:54:17,292 --> 00:54:18,251 Madness! 875 00:54:18,459 --> 00:54:20,667 You wouldn't be the first. 876 00:54:21,334 --> 00:54:25,084 How does Depardieu manage to make so many films? 877 00:54:25,251 --> 00:54:26,292 A dog couldn't do it! 878 00:54:26,501 --> 00:54:30,251 You're totally insane. You frighten me. 879 00:54:30,459 --> 00:54:33,501 I don't need an answer now. 880 00:54:34,251 --> 00:54:37,209 You know where to find me now. Night! 881 00:55:06,042 --> 00:55:09,459 I think I've made a very costly mistake! 882 00:55:26,042 --> 00:55:28,292 What the hell's going on? 883 00:55:28,459 --> 00:55:31,042 I don't like the look of this. 884 00:55:38,834 --> 00:55:41,001 - Yes? - Is Carole home? 885 00:55:52,876 --> 00:55:54,417 I hope I'm not disturbing you. 886 00:55:55,792 --> 00:55:56,834 I warned you! 887 00:55:57,042 --> 00:55:59,084 It's me! Michel! 888 00:55:59,251 --> 00:56:00,792 I've been patient, Patrick. 889 00:56:01,626 --> 00:56:03,376 But I'm about to lose my temper! 890 00:56:03,584 --> 00:56:05,459 I'm not my look-alike! 891 00:56:05,667 --> 00:56:08,542 You won't fool me this time. Follow me! 892 00:56:18,209 --> 00:56:21,001 So you're Michel Blanc, are you? 893 00:56:21,167 --> 00:56:24,417 It so happens I'm having lunch with him! 894 00:56:24,584 --> 00:56:26,001 Rotten luck! 895 00:56:40,876 --> 00:56:42,792 Say something, guys! 896 00:56:44,167 --> 00:56:45,709 Speak to me! 897 00:56:47,584 --> 00:56:49,292 Don't get taken in by him! 898 00:56:49,667 --> 00:56:51,334 There is a likeness. 899 00:56:51,501 --> 00:56:53,667 It's obvious it isn't him! 900 00:56:53,834 --> 00:56:56,251 I wouldn't be taken in. 901 00:56:56,417 --> 00:56:57,834 His eyes are different. 902 00:56:58,001 --> 00:56:59,542 It's beyond a joke! 903 00:56:59,709 --> 00:57:03,042 His voice bothers me. Michel doesn't sound so gay! 904 00:57:03,376 --> 00:57:05,751 There's the bastard who raped me! 905 00:57:06,209 --> 00:57:07,126 Josie, don't! 906 00:57:07,792 --> 00:57:09,376 Where's your hard-on now? 907 00:57:09,584 --> 00:57:12,042 - Don't find me attractive? - Josie, please! 908 00:57:12,251 --> 00:57:14,084 This'll calm you down! 909 00:57:14,292 --> 00:57:16,126 Right! Get out! 910 00:57:23,417 --> 00:57:24,292 Unbelievable! 911 00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:29,001 Patrick, this'll end in tears! 912 00:57:29,167 --> 00:57:31,251 Sorry to have been brutal. 913 00:57:31,417 --> 00:57:33,459 It was to make you see reason. 914 00:57:33,626 --> 00:57:36,667 I'll help you if you stop all this madness. 915 00:57:37,209 --> 00:57:40,376 I want to wake up. I've had enough! 916 00:58:03,459 --> 00:58:04,542 Hello! 917 00:58:06,084 --> 00:58:09,376 - A double brandy, please. - Coming up! 918 00:58:23,917 --> 00:58:25,042 Another. 919 00:58:29,376 --> 00:58:30,459 Look at me. 920 00:58:31,876 --> 00:58:34,167 Just to see if you recognize me. 921 00:58:34,376 --> 00:58:36,584 We don't give credit! 922 00:58:36,792 --> 00:58:38,292 It isn't that. 923 00:58:40,792 --> 00:58:42,376 Have you seen me before? 924 00:58:42,542 --> 00:58:44,501 I dunno! Turn around. 925 00:58:45,167 --> 00:58:48,709 The wally who does the weather! Is that it? 926 00:58:48,917 --> 00:58:50,959 I don't work in television. 927 00:58:51,126 --> 00:58:52,959 - Films. - Tough luck! 928 00:58:53,167 --> 00:58:55,584 Films bore the pants off me! 929 00:58:55,751 --> 00:58:57,959 Just finish your drink and go! 930 00:58:59,001 --> 00:59:00,626 Twenty francs change! 931 00:59:31,542 --> 00:59:33,792 You're really pushing it! 932 00:59:35,376 --> 00:59:37,751 The joke's over! 933 00:59:37,959 --> 00:59:39,334 Put your toys away! 934 00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:42,251 Give my ID back and get out of my life! 935 00:59:43,834 --> 00:59:47,792 Despite all appearances, you're an optimistic boy! 936 00:59:48,167 --> 00:59:49,251 Bit of a schoolgirl. 937 00:59:49,667 --> 00:59:51,709 One of the weak points of your films. 938 00:59:52,167 --> 00:59:54,626 I'm writing the script now! 939 00:59:54,917 --> 00:59:58,417 And it ain't Happy Days. Not for you anyway. 940 00:59:58,959 --> 01:00:00,542 Best get used to it! 941 01:00:01,001 --> 01:00:03,834 The wheel of fortune turns. Everybody gets a go. 942 01:00:04,042 --> 01:00:06,709 You don't own our mug any more than I do. 943 01:00:06,876 --> 01:00:09,542 We're co-owners. It's like a time-share. 944 01:00:09,751 --> 01:00:12,459 I've let you use it for 40 years. 945 01:00:12,626 --> 01:00:15,501 But now I'm here to evict you! 946 01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:18,417 I won't allow it! 947 01:00:18,584 --> 01:00:20,417 You don't have the choice! 948 01:00:20,626 --> 01:00:23,376 Unless you kill me, which isn't your style. 949 01:00:23,542 --> 01:00:25,667 You're such a conformist, Patrick! 950 01:00:25,876 --> 01:00:28,667 - Don't call me Patrick! - Get used to it, mate! 951 01:00:28,834 --> 01:00:30,417 You're Patrick now! 952 01:00:30,584 --> 01:00:32,542 Make yourself scarce, 953 01:00:32,709 --> 01:00:35,501 or I'll tell the cops you're pretending to be me 954 01:00:35,667 --> 01:00:37,417 and raping my pals! 955 01:00:39,501 --> 01:00:40,626 Bloody bastard! 956 01:00:41,126 --> 01:00:43,542 You won't enjoy co-ownership long! 957 01:00:43,709 --> 01:00:46,334 I'm going to write Michel Blanc off! 958 01:00:46,501 --> 01:00:49,959 Within 24 hours, he won't be worth peanuts! 959 01:01:03,417 --> 01:01:06,167 Hello, Mr Blanc. How may I help you? 960 01:01:07,334 --> 01:01:09,876 Show me your diamond necklaces. 961 01:01:10,042 --> 01:01:12,667 Have a seat, I'll call the manager. 962 01:01:16,959 --> 01:01:19,251 - What's going on? - Some codswallop! 963 01:01:19,417 --> 01:01:21,667 They're making a gangster film. 964 01:01:21,834 --> 01:01:24,917 That's all they do nowadays! Blood and guts! 965 01:01:25,251 --> 01:01:28,542 I preferred him with a moustache. He's put on weight, too. 966 01:01:28,709 --> 01:01:31,417 It's the drink what does it. 967 01:01:31,626 --> 01:01:33,251 Get down! 968 01:01:34,626 --> 01:01:36,626 Just open the safe, OK? 969 01:01:36,959 --> 01:01:38,126 Bloody well open it! 970 01:01:41,542 --> 01:01:43,209 The special effects are great! 971 01:01:43,417 --> 01:01:46,584 The alarm's gone off, the police'll be here any minute! 972 01:01:46,751 --> 01:01:48,334 Will you tell them? 973 01:01:48,501 --> 01:01:51,334 If you leave now, it'll be our little secret. 974 01:01:51,501 --> 01:01:53,584 I'll make sure no one talks! 975 01:01:53,751 --> 01:01:56,751 But this could ruin your career! 976 01:01:56,917 --> 01:02:00,959 If I want to bugger up my career, that's my business! 977 01:02:01,126 --> 01:02:04,126 It's our business, too! We love your films! 978 01:02:05,126 --> 01:02:06,751 Especially Father Christmas Stinks. 979 01:02:06,917 --> 01:02:10,251 I wasn't in Father Christmas! Open the safe! 980 01:02:12,126 --> 01:02:12,834 Open it! 981 01:02:15,751 --> 01:02:19,084 It's quite hard work really. Who'd have thought! 982 01:02:23,751 --> 01:02:26,501 - Is there a way out downstairs? - Just offices. 983 01:02:26,667 --> 01:02:28,792 Get downstairs anyway! 984 01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:30,542 Hurry! 985 01:03:08,626 --> 01:03:10,584 I'm waiting for the news crew. 986 01:03:10,751 --> 01:03:12,709 Great! What station? 987 01:03:12,876 --> 01:03:15,792 I can't say till I've had France 2's offer. 988 01:03:15,959 --> 01:03:17,542 I'm going to make-up. 989 01:03:20,084 --> 01:03:23,209 Michel was filming a tough scene when he got the news. 990 01:03:23,501 --> 01:03:25,542 Naturally he was very upset. 991 01:03:25,751 --> 01:03:27,542 Carole, where is he now? 992 01:03:27,709 --> 01:03:31,334 In his apartment. He'll be making a statement soon. 993 01:03:31,751 --> 01:03:33,959 Sorry, I really must dash! 994 01:03:34,876 --> 01:03:36,792 It's turned out well. 995 01:03:36,959 --> 01:03:39,667 It's awful for those innocent folk, 996 01:03:39,876 --> 01:03:41,459 but I must say for us, 997 01:03:41,667 --> 01:03:45,667 his friends, his family, those who love him, it's a relief. 998 01:03:45,834 --> 01:03:48,001 Didn't anyone notice? 999 01:03:48,167 --> 01:03:48,917 Of course! 1000 01:03:49,334 --> 01:03:53,084 But we put it down to stress. It's a crazy business! 1001 01:03:53,251 --> 01:03:56,084 I wish he'd chosen dance, like me. 1002 01:03:56,251 --> 01:03:58,709 I knew something was wrong. 1003 01:03:58,876 --> 01:03:59,834 Aren't you clever! 1004 01:04:00,042 --> 01:04:01,334 Tell me, Doctor, 1005 01:04:01,542 --> 01:04:05,209 would you say he was insane, mentally ill? 1006 01:04:05,417 --> 01:04:08,251 He passed himself off as Michel Blanc, 1007 01:04:08,417 --> 01:04:10,167 and I noticed right away 1008 01:04:10,334 --> 01:04:13,584 that he had all the symptoms of Zinse's disease. 1009 01:04:13,792 --> 01:04:15,542 Self-denigration, 1010 01:04:15,751 --> 01:04:17,001 obsessional neurosis, 1011 01:04:17,209 --> 01:04:19,292 penis revulsion. 1012 01:04:20,417 --> 01:04:24,251 I should have realized, but it's common in this business. 1013 01:04:24,417 --> 01:04:26,376 Is he responsible for his acts? 1014 01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:35,584 Bouquet! 1015 01:04:36,584 --> 01:04:37,709 Carole! 1016 01:04:38,376 --> 01:04:40,751 Give me 5 minutes, I'll bring him out! 1017 01:04:40,959 --> 01:04:43,042 The courts are congested. 1018 01:04:43,209 --> 01:04:45,709 And it's none of your business! 1019 01:04:45,917 --> 01:04:49,709 If that's your attitude, I'll do it without your approval! 1020 01:04:51,001 --> 01:04:52,084 Stop her! 1021 01:04:56,626 --> 01:04:57,709 For god's sake! 1022 01:05:07,542 --> 01:05:08,417 What's the matter? 1023 01:05:08,626 --> 01:05:10,792 It's weird seeing her in the flesh. 1024 01:05:17,167 --> 01:05:18,834 Guess who's here! 1025 01:05:20,376 --> 01:05:23,626 I was out shopping and I heard you were here. 1026 01:05:25,459 --> 01:05:28,959 All of a sudden, I desperately wanted to see you. 1027 01:05:33,542 --> 01:05:37,084 May I come down? Are you downstairs? 1028 01:05:44,959 --> 01:05:47,376 I hope I'm not disturbing you. 1029 01:05:48,584 --> 01:05:51,501 We were a bit hard on you yesterday. 1030 01:05:51,667 --> 01:05:54,292 I'd like us to have a little chat. 1031 01:05:56,667 --> 01:05:59,001 Do you know what we should do? 1032 01:05:59,792 --> 01:06:03,042 Give everyone the slip and take off to the coast. 1033 01:06:08,001 --> 01:06:10,334 We can chat as we collect seashells. 1034 01:06:11,959 --> 01:06:13,167 How about it, Patrick? 1035 01:06:13,376 --> 01:06:16,292 I'm not Patrick! Don't treat me like a lunatic. 1036 01:06:16,501 --> 01:06:20,001 I don't think you're mad. You're just tired. 1037 01:06:20,209 --> 01:06:22,459 I sometimes wonder who I am, too. 1038 01:06:22,626 --> 01:06:24,959 I know who I am! Michel Blanc! 1039 01:06:25,626 --> 01:06:27,459 Go away! Don't do anything stupid! 1040 01:06:27,667 --> 01:06:30,626 What if I desperately wanted to? 1041 01:06:31,709 --> 01:06:33,209 For ages! 1042 01:06:33,667 --> 01:06:36,126 Ever since I felt your hands on my breasts. 1043 01:06:37,417 --> 01:06:39,376 What if that's why I'm here? 1044 01:06:39,584 --> 01:06:43,209 The more I look at you, the giddier I feel. 1045 01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:46,209 I'm going to swoon! 1046 01:06:47,292 --> 01:06:49,084 Stop your acting! 1047 01:06:49,251 --> 01:06:51,167 I'm not acting! 1048 01:06:51,334 --> 01:06:55,126 How does it make you feel to see me lying here, vulnerable, 1049 01:06:55,292 --> 01:06:56,709 like defenceless prey? 1050 01:06:56,876 --> 01:06:59,542 I'm Michel. Please believe me! 1051 01:07:00,084 --> 01:07:02,876 Who cares who I am, who you are! 1052 01:07:03,042 --> 01:07:07,417 All I can see is two bodies in close proximity. 1053 01:07:07,584 --> 01:07:09,376 How is this evening? 1054 01:07:10,292 --> 01:07:12,251 Mild as a spring evening. 1055 01:07:12,459 --> 01:07:14,584 I think it's wet and torrid. 1056 01:07:14,792 --> 01:07:17,834 Like a night in Malaysia before the monsoon. 1057 01:07:18,001 --> 01:07:21,501 I'd like to rip off my clothes! I'm suffocating! 1058 01:07:21,667 --> 01:07:22,584 Can you feel it? 1059 01:07:22,792 --> 01:07:23,876 Your belt's tight. 1060 01:07:24,084 --> 01:07:27,542 My life is suffocating! This business is killing me! 1061 01:07:27,709 --> 01:07:31,042 I am sick of being cold and inaccessible! 1062 01:07:31,417 --> 01:07:33,667 I'm tired of frightening men! 1063 01:07:33,876 --> 01:07:36,834 I dreamt of brutal lambadas, of big sweaty lads 1064 01:07:37,001 --> 01:07:38,501 and working men's clubs! 1065 01:07:38,709 --> 01:07:41,667 And above all of strong arms to imprison me, 1066 01:07:41,834 --> 01:07:44,417 to protect me, to shove me! 1067 01:07:44,917 --> 01:07:47,959 But no one shoves me. Shove me, Patrick! 1068 01:07:48,126 --> 01:07:51,167 Bedisrespectful! What is it Balasko has? 1069 01:07:51,376 --> 01:07:52,417 I'm not Patrick! 1070 01:07:52,584 --> 01:07:54,626 Take me like a worker! 1071 01:08:03,334 --> 01:08:04,167 No! 1072 01:08:12,167 --> 01:08:14,834 I did that to save your life! 1073 01:08:15,001 --> 01:08:16,876 They were going to shoot you! 1074 01:08:17,042 --> 01:08:19,501 The best thing for blokes with problems 1075 01:08:19,667 --> 01:08:21,209 is to never meet you! 1076 01:08:21,709 --> 01:08:23,376 I knew he wasn't the real McCoy. 1077 01:08:23,584 --> 01:08:25,751 That's why I set off the alarm. 1078 01:08:27,501 --> 01:08:29,084 Press conference! 1079 01:08:30,584 --> 01:08:32,292 You'll thank me one day! 1080 01:08:33,042 --> 01:08:35,709 They'll take care of you, give you pills. 1081 01:08:35,917 --> 01:08:37,667 You'll come out in top form! 1082 01:08:37,834 --> 01:08:40,417 If you need me, call me! 1083 01:08:41,542 --> 01:08:43,584 It'll be like a holiday! 1084 01:09:03,792 --> 01:09:05,751 What a nice surprise! 1085 01:09:06,917 --> 01:09:09,459 Look, lads! Our stranger! 1086 01:09:12,584 --> 01:09:14,542 We've really missed you! 1087 01:09:14,709 --> 01:09:18,292 Dédé refused to eat for 3 days after you left us. 1088 01:09:18,501 --> 01:09:20,917 There's a mistake. I'm not Michel Blanc! 1089 01:09:22,084 --> 01:09:23,501 I'm much smaller! 1090 01:09:23,709 --> 01:09:26,042 - Much fatter, too! - Who cares! 1091 01:09:26,209 --> 01:09:27,959 We love you anyway! 1092 01:09:28,167 --> 01:09:30,001 Help! 1093 01:09:45,126 --> 01:09:47,126 Patrick Olivier to the governor! 1094 01:10:12,376 --> 01:10:14,626 - Take a seat. - No thank you. 1095 01:10:15,376 --> 01:10:18,126 Mr Olivier, I hope you'll have fond memories 1096 01:10:18,292 --> 01:10:20,751 of your short stay with us. 1097 01:10:21,417 --> 01:10:23,876 I also hope these few months 1098 01:10:24,042 --> 01:10:26,626 have made you see sense. 1099 01:10:31,417 --> 01:10:33,626 Don't forget, our door is always open. 1100 01:10:47,667 --> 01:10:48,792 First name? 1101 01:10:48,959 --> 01:10:50,084 Patrick. 1102 01:10:50,417 --> 01:10:52,709 What shows have you been in? 1103 01:10:52,876 --> 01:10:55,209 Loads. I don't remember the names. 1104 01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:58,792 That's bothersome. You need a good memory in this job. 1105 01:10:59,126 --> 01:11:01,542 I can work as an extra for now. 1106 01:11:01,709 --> 01:11:03,876 I'm afraid it'll be for later. 1107 01:11:04,042 --> 01:11:06,417 I've nothing for you right now. 1108 01:11:06,584 --> 01:11:10,376 Go take a look at the jobs board anyway. 1109 01:11:15,376 --> 01:11:17,126 I can act in English! 1110 01:11:17,292 --> 01:11:21,292 I'll let Spielberg know next time he calls me! 1111 01:12:11,126 --> 01:12:12,709 Bloody hell, my leg! 1112 01:13:13,001 --> 01:13:14,251 Next! 1113 01:13:18,459 --> 01:13:19,959 I've come about the job. 1114 01:13:20,584 --> 01:13:23,667 - Who's look-alike are you, then? - Michel Blanc. 1115 01:13:23,876 --> 01:13:24,959 You reckon? 1116 01:13:25,126 --> 01:13:26,834 With a bit of make-up... 1117 01:13:30,334 --> 01:13:32,167 Don't get your hopes up. 1118 01:13:34,542 --> 01:13:35,667 Goodbye. 1119 01:13:37,042 --> 01:13:38,126 Next! 1120 01:13:42,167 --> 01:13:44,292 I imagine they didn't take you. 1121 01:13:45,334 --> 01:13:48,042 I've been waiting. I spotted you earlier. 1122 01:13:49,709 --> 01:13:51,917 - You too, you've just... - Yes! 1123 01:13:52,126 --> 01:13:53,251 Noiret's look-alike? 1124 01:13:53,459 --> 01:13:56,459 Usually I'm Deneuve, but I've had a nasty cold. 1125 01:13:57,792 --> 01:13:59,792 I'm joking! 1126 01:14:00,001 --> 01:14:01,751 We can joke, can't we? 1127 01:14:01,917 --> 01:14:04,084 May I walk along with you? 1128 01:14:04,292 --> 01:14:05,876 I'm not going anywhere. 1129 01:14:06,084 --> 01:14:09,251 That's perfect. It's on my way. 1130 01:14:21,251 --> 01:14:22,834 Why are we here? 1131 01:14:23,001 --> 01:14:25,584 Because you and I need to talk. 1132 01:14:27,834 --> 01:14:31,126 You haven't touched a thing. Eat! 1133 01:14:31,834 --> 01:14:35,709 I feel sorry for you. You look like death warmed up. 1134 01:14:36,542 --> 01:14:40,834 Nibble a bit of cheese if you don't fancy the sausage. 1135 01:14:41,001 --> 01:14:44,001 We'll wash it all down with port, 1136 01:14:44,167 --> 01:14:47,417 smoke a cigar and have a quiet chat. 1137 01:14:47,876 --> 01:14:49,959 I'm not very hungry. 1138 01:14:50,126 --> 01:14:53,751 You are! It's normal when you get out of prison. 1139 01:14:55,626 --> 01:14:57,084 Why do you say that? 1140 01:14:58,626 --> 01:15:00,917 Because you've just been released. 1141 01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:04,251 The ending never changes. 1142 01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:07,167 It's always the same story. 1143 01:15:08,584 --> 01:15:10,834 Look at me, my dear Michel. 1144 01:15:11,126 --> 01:15:13,084 I'm Philippe Noiret. 1145 01:15:13,834 --> 01:15:16,792 I know your story. It's identical to mine. 1146 01:15:16,959 --> 01:15:19,626 You get a stand-in for the tiresome jobs. 1147 01:15:19,792 --> 01:15:21,751 Then one day you go too far. 1148 01:15:22,084 --> 01:15:24,917 And the key no longer fits the lock. 1149 01:15:25,084 --> 01:15:27,459 You've been kicked out. 1150 01:15:30,501 --> 01:15:31,917 I'm not the only one? 1151 01:15:32,126 --> 01:15:34,792 Of course you're not! 1152 01:15:34,959 --> 01:15:38,626 It suited me at first. My wife was starting to bug me. 1153 01:15:41,042 --> 01:15:43,917 And then... you get used to it. 1154 01:15:44,126 --> 01:15:46,792 I don't want to accept it. I want to fight. 1155 01:15:46,959 --> 01:15:47,959 Fight? 1156 01:15:48,167 --> 01:15:52,001 Whatever for? Let me show you something! 1157 01:15:52,167 --> 01:15:53,626 Mind if I row? 1158 01:16:00,501 --> 01:16:03,251 Know what used to be there? A cinema! 1159 01:16:03,417 --> 01:16:05,084 And there, another cinema. 1160 01:16:05,251 --> 01:16:09,542 The dream palaces of yesteryear are processed crap outlets. 1161 01:16:09,709 --> 01:16:11,042 There are some left. 1162 01:16:11,209 --> 01:16:14,751 For what they're worth! Have you seen what's on? 1163 01:16:14,917 --> 01:16:17,042 See many French films? 1164 01:16:24,876 --> 01:16:27,167 That's all you hear nowadays. 1165 01:16:27,334 --> 01:16:29,584 French cinema's got one foot in the grave! 1166 01:16:30,209 --> 01:16:33,667 We'll all end up as mice in their bloody parks! 1167 01:16:33,834 --> 01:16:35,584 That's an exaggeration. 1168 01:16:35,792 --> 01:16:37,626 For fuck's sake! 1169 01:16:37,792 --> 01:16:40,667 Don't you ever look at the figures? 1170 01:16:40,834 --> 01:16:44,667 Well, you should, because they're pretty scary! 1171 01:16:44,834 --> 01:16:48,709 Want me to show you what French cinema resembles? 1172 01:16:54,667 --> 01:16:57,459 Here it is! Under there! 1173 01:16:57,959 --> 01:17:00,459 French cinema is the unknown soldier! 1174 01:17:00,667 --> 01:17:01,584 To our dead! 1175 01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:10,459 Come on, Philippe! 1176 01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:13,167 It's like an awards ceremony! 1177 01:17:13,334 --> 01:17:16,084 I've a few francs. Let's go for coffee. 1178 01:17:19,209 --> 01:17:21,667 Seen any films with your look-alike? 1179 01:17:21,834 --> 01:17:24,834 No. Always the same old Noiret! 1180 01:17:25,001 --> 01:17:26,792 - How about you? - No... 1181 01:17:26,959 --> 01:17:30,001 You should see the latest. It'd amuse you. 1182 01:17:30,167 --> 01:17:31,292 What's it about? 1183 01:17:31,459 --> 01:17:34,626 A story about look-alikes, with Carole Bouquet. 1184 01:17:34,959 --> 01:17:35,959 Cut! 1185 01:17:36,709 --> 01:17:40,626 There are two guys in the shot! Didn't you notice? 1186 01:17:40,834 --> 01:17:43,459 Gentlemen, we're making a film. Please move. 1187 01:17:44,042 --> 01:17:45,626 Sorry! Excuse us! 1188 01:17:47,334 --> 01:17:49,876 Right... Action! 1189 01:17:50,751 --> 01:17:53,167 Another delightful day in store! 1190 01:17:53,334 --> 01:17:55,084 Let's push on to the park. 1191 01:17:55,251 --> 01:17:57,209 Gentlemen! 1192 01:17:57,917 --> 01:18:00,042 Fancy being in the movies? 1193 01:18:01,084 --> 01:18:04,542 Be in the movies! We need two waiters. 1194 01:18:04,751 --> 01:18:07,584 - If you're interested... - No thank you! 1195 01:18:07,751 --> 01:18:10,417 Come on, mate! Don't let's hang about! 1196 01:18:13,626 --> 01:18:14,959 What are the conditions? 1197 01:18:16,376 --> 01:18:17,584 How much do you want? 1198 01:18:17,792 --> 01:18:20,459 Not less than 2500 a day. 1199 01:18:20,626 --> 01:18:24,126 Then there's our expenses. We don't live in Paris. 1200 01:18:24,292 --> 01:18:25,709 We work in London. 1201 01:18:25,917 --> 01:18:28,626 And the caravan. That's important... 1202 01:18:28,834 --> 01:18:30,584 Take them to make-up. 1203 01:18:30,792 --> 01:18:33,126 We'll start when they're ready. 1204 01:18:45,667 --> 01:18:49,084 Take these gentlemen to make-up. Quick, we're waiting. 1205 01:24:21,042 --> 01:24:22,584 Subtitles: Susannah Rooke Subtitling: ECLAIR